What Hurts the Most
by His.Infernal.Majesty
Summary: What hurts the most is being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away...Past YukKeiko KYH


Hey. Sorry guys, but I finally got started on the next and final (maybe) installation of The Endless Waltz series. I may add more if I feel like it. Depends. I decided to change 'Behind These Emerald Eyes' to this. Hope you guys enjoy it. Don't ask me where the inspiration came from. I don't even know. I just got really, really, really bored.

Sorry to all you Keiko lovers out there. I didn't want to do it but I had to.

Disclaimer: I don't own YYH or the song What Hurts the Most. These belong to Yoshihiro Togashi and Rascal Flatts.

**Every time a song verse comes up, that signifies a scene change. Okay? **

**What Hurts the Most **

The sound of rustling clothes filled the air of the small apartment, accompanied by the soft sniffling of a male crying.

Tears fell unbidden down tan cheeks as he ruffled clothes around in his drawers as three other males stood in the room.

The redhead, Kurama, sat on the bed, head in his hands as emerald eyes stared at the ground.

The taller teen, Koenma, stood against the wall, watching the crying young man through the glare of the mirror attached to the chest of drawers he was currently shifting through.

The shortest was holding back the telltale signs of sadness as he curled up on the windowsill, staring out at the beautiful and sunny day. Hiei's eyes darkened to a near-black red. It shouldn't be sunny. No one should be happy.

The crying teen, Yusuke, paused as he shook his head, eyes downcast. "It's not true…" he whispered, voice hoarse. Sepia colored eyes slowly met amber in the mirror and the sepia hardened to a deep hard brown as he growled, turning around and lunging at the Godling, screaming as he punched the man repeatedly with his fists, strength diminished in depression.

"You did this! You made her leave! I hate you! Say it, say you did it!"

"Yusuke," Koenma whispered, grasping hold of Yusuke's flying fists, holding the jerking teen close. "I'm sorry…" Koenma's heart broke as he stared at the young teen…the seemingly unbreakable Urameshi Yusuke.

"Liar!" He screamed, slowly falling to the floor as he continued to try and jerk away, finally slumping against the elder male in sobs that wracked his entire body.

Kurama looked away, picking up a pillow and burying his face in it to swallow up the sound of his sobs.

_Keiko…_

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok  
But that's not what gets me_

Yusuke sat on the cold, hard ground of the cemetery, eyes blank as he stared at the grey stone with elaborate engravings.

Vines and beautiful hibiscus covered the surface of the gravestone backdropped against the black words.

**Keiko Yukimura**

**1987-2006 **

**Beloved friend and daughter, your soul is never forgotten…**

Kurama stood behind him, hand on his shoulder. "Yusuke…we have to go…"

"I don't wanna leave her alone…"

Hiei looked at the ground. "Yusuke…I know it's hard…but. Take it from Kurama, we all know that she's in a better place now."

Yusuke shook his head. "No…I'm not leaving her. She…she was my sister. How can I just go when she's lying there?"

Kurama sighed. It had been a week since Keiko's death and Yusuke still couldn't let it go.

Of course the others all understood. They knew how close the two had been. But Yusuke was acting the same as he had when Kurama had died. Yusuke had sat down in front of the gravestone with Hiei right beside him for three days, neither moving no matter what had happened. Both had gotten colds because of it, but they hadn't cared.

Kurama leaned down and wrapped an arm under the bent legs of his younger lover, snaking his other around the thin shoulders and picking him up, carrying the teen home. "Come on Yusuke. Keiko wouldn't want you getting sick."

Yusuke broke down for what seemed to be the umpteenth time that week, burying his face in the fox's neck.

_What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do_

Yusuke stared up at the ceiling of the living room, finally not crying for the first time in a month.

No matter how hard he tried, no matter where he went he couldn't get over what had happened. It was all his fault…Why didn't he stop her? Why didn't Koenma stop her? Or Kurama? Or Hiei? Or anyone for that matter?

Why did she always have to follow them? Always?

Yusuke's eyes misted as he remembered a moment back at least two years…back when they had actually gotten together.

/Flashback/

Yusuke laughed as Keiko leaned against him in his truck, both looking out at the day-lit city of Mushiori City.

Yusuke had parked his truck on top of the cliff so they could spend all day sight seeing even if they had lived in that city their entire lives.

Keiko giggled then sighed, eyes saddening slightly.

Yusuke glanced at her. "What's wrong? Is it your dad?"

Everyone knew that Keiko's dad didn't like the idea of his precious daughter going out with the town delinquent; even if they had been friend's since birth.

"No…no…" she sighed, straightening up in the seat. "You ever think about the future?"

Yusuke blinked, holding back a smirk. Trust Keiko to come up with something deep like that.

"What do you see?" she asked, turning her eyes to him as he snaked an arm around her shoulder.

Yusuke gave a thoughtful 'hmmm' before smiling at her. "What do you see?"

She gave him a stare.

Yusuke sighed and then stared out at the city. "Ah, so you're serious. Well tell me what you see first. Only fair."

"You…I see you." Keiko giggled, snuggling into his side.

Keiko couldn't help herself as he leaned forward and gently kissed her, smiling himself.

She laughed and then jumped out of the car as she yelled. "What do you see?"

/End Flashback/

_I never did answer her…_Yusuke thought, sepia staring at cream plaster with unseeing eyes.

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' It  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still Harder  
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken_

/Flashback/

"Goddamnit won't these things just die!" Yusuke yelled, charging up another Spirit Gun as he was chased around the clearing by the flying crow demon.

Kurama grunted in agreement, tossing his whip left and right at attacking birds.

Hiei just glared as he cut through anyone that came into his path that wasn't an ally. Well…he'd nicked Kuwabara a few times, but that didn't count.

As they finished off the welcoming party, Yusuke's communicator went off.

The teen flipped it open, "Yusuke here."

"Yusuke, it's Koenma. We have a problem." 

"What is it?" Yusuke blinked, confused.

"The demons had acquired a hostage. A human female hostage." 

Yusuke growled. "Damn them…"

"They say that if we don't clear out and leave them alone…then they'll kill the girl." 

Yusuke rolled his eyes. "The same old, same old huh? What do we do about it?"

"The girl is of no consequence. This mission is too high on the Spirit World priority list for us to merely give up because of a single casualty. Go on with the mission." 

Yusuke nodded, "Ninmu Ryukai." (Mission Accepted.) He shut the communicator and put it back in the pocket of his blue jean jacket. "You heard the toddler, guys. Let's get this over with."

They made their way to the castle-like hideout of the demons holding some kind of drug crime ring and put a stop to them (aka killed them) and went back to Spirit World.

Yusuke knocked on Keiko's door, hands in his pockets.

Keiko's mom answered the door. "Yes Yusuke?"

"Yeah is Keiko home?"

"No she's not. She hasn't been home for the past couple of days. Don't you know where she is, Yusuke?"

Yusuke blinked. "No…But don't worry, Mrs. Y, I'll find her!" Yusuke grinned before running off and back to his apartment that he shared with Kurama and Hiei.

But when he got home he found out that they had found the hostage when searching the castle for crime paraphernalia.

It had been Keiko…

/End Flashback/

_What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do_

Yusuke followed Kurama and Hiei into his classroom, both sitting on either side of him.

Yusuke had made it into Tokyo University, and Kurama and Hiei had decided to sign up for all of the same classes. Except Kurama had a lot more than either of them.

Yusuke sighed as he slumped into his seat, only half-listening to the Psychology professor talk about Pavlov's Law.

Memories of Keiko sitting in front of him, sometimes turning around to grin at him or thump him in the head for falling asleep came to mind and he sighed again. He didn't cry as much anymore…and he couldn't do it here.

Both demons noticed his emotions and took hold of either of his hands, squeezing reassuringly.

They knew it would take their beloved a long time to accept the fact that his sister was dead. It was a terrible loss.

A lot of losses had overtaken the lives of the Spirit Detectives ever since Keiko's death.

Shuiichi's mother had gotten into a car accident and was in a coma, Yukina had been killed in Makai, and Shizuru was dead.

It seemed that happiness wasn't something that Bringers of Death were allowed to have.

Yusuke choked back a sob, pushing himself out of his desk and running out of the classroom, not listening to the cries of alarm from his classmates and lovers.

_What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do_

Yusuke ran down the street, dodging people and cars as if they weren't even there, trying to not fall down from the tears blinding his vision.

He needed to do this. He needed to see her.

The sky darkened considerably as if it was channeling all of his emotions.

Soon the rain started to pour, soaking everyone on the streets. Children squealed and mothers' scurried to cover their hair and clothes.

Yusuke paid no mind to the icy drops of precipitation pounding onto the pavement in huge splats. He didn't care when he tripped in a puddle, skinning up his elbows and knees before he pulled himself back up and continuing to run.

The city was left behind to the gardens and stones of the Mushiori Cemetery.

Green grass glowed brightly against the black sky, glistening with the heavy rain on the blades.

The silent teen bolted through the open wrought-iron doors and racing down the rows of tombstones with wilting flowers and fading words. The tombstones slowly became clean, pretty and bright.

_This isn't right. A graveyard shouldn't be pretty…It shouldn't make people think of beautiful things. Death isn't a beautiful thing. Death is the ending of one life and then everything stops. You have nothing else after that. Not unless you're Kurama…_

Finally Yusuke noticed a familiar bouquet of yellow roses, lilies, carnations and bleeding hearts. _Keiko…_

Yusuke slowed his run to skid to a stop in front of Keiko's grave, slumping onto his knees and wiping away his wet face with his equally wet sleeves. It didn't help.

He stared at the grave for a second before taking a deep breath. "I saw you…" he breathed out, not crying anymore. Crying wouldn't do anything. It didn't bring Kurama back and it wouldn't bring Keiko back.

Yusuke knew that if he tried to bring Keiko back to life than Koenma would throw him in Spirit Jail; detective or no.

"I know that I never got to tell you Keiko…back in the truck on the cliff…Back then I loved you like I would someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But then things changed. I started having to leave more and more often, you were getting lonely and worried and you nearly died every time I'd leave just from sheer worry…_We _changed. I was a half-demon and you were a human. That should have sent off warning bells in itself. But we ignored it. We thought we were happy even when we started to fight with each other. Then I fell in love with someone else…two someone's…" he sighed.

"Something else I never told you Keiko…you probably never knew it, but…I'm with Kurama and Hiei now…I have been for nearly a year and a half now. We never told you because…well, I didn't know what you thought about that kind of thing." Yusuke managed a real smile.

When he smiled, the sky didn't seem so dark. "I love them Keiko. I really do. I love you too…you're my little sister and that will never change. I will never forget you but I pray that you'll forgive me for…for going on with life and trying to live it like you wanted me to do. I'm in college, at Tokyo University. I'm getting a Bachelor's in Psychology. Business Management, too. Hiei and I have the idea of running a dojo for swordsmanship and fighting. Kurama decided that he wants to be a botanist. Sounds like him, doesn't it?" he laughed, the sound reverberating throughout the rain-soaked area.

"I love you Keiko…and I always will…" he smiled and then stood after pressing a kiss to a flower in the bouquet. A carnation…Keiko's favorite flower.

"Good-bye, Keiko."

Not seeing that loving you  
That's what I was trying to do

"Welcome home, Yusuke." Kurama smiled at his boyfriend as he walked into the living room after removing his coat and shoes.

Yusuke blinked for a second and Kurama was afraid he'd break down into tears again.

But Yusuke just smiled. "Hey Kura-chan. Where's Hi-chan? Cooking again?"

Kurama stared before jumping up and wrapping his arms around his younger lover. "Oh Yusuke!"

Hiei walked into the living room to see his boyfriends' caught in the midst of a passionate kiss, Kurama having pushed the boy against the cream-colored wall of their sitting room. Hiei rose a slender black eyebrow. "Heh-hem." He coughed, alerting them to his presence.

Both jumped apart, blushing.

Hiei rolled his eyes. "Come on you two, dinner's ready." He turned around then stopped. "Oh and Yusuke?"

"Yeah, Hi-chan?"

"We love you too."

Yusuke's jaw dropped. "You!"

He proceeded to chase his boyfriend's around the apartment, all three laughing their asses off before finally sitting down to dinner.

None of the trio noticed the hazy form of a brunette-haired girl standing in the corner of the kitchen, smiling at them. _I love you too, big brother…_she closed her eyes before fading away completely.

A/N: There we go. The fourth and probably final installment of The Endless Waltz Series. Hope you all enjoyed it!


End file.
